


Weird Wayne Parties

by schrijverr



Series: Christmas Countdown 2018 [3]
Category: Batfamily - Fandom, Batman - All Media Types
Genre: And Failing, Christmas Party, Gen, Party, batfam being weird, trying to fit in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: It’s time for the Christmas party that the Wayne family gives each year where they are supposed to be acting normal and totally not being weird superheroes, key word supposed.
Relationships: batfam - Relationship
Series: Christmas Countdown 2018 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575682
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	Weird Wayne Parties

**Author's Note:**

> This is from my countdown from last year, but since I didn't have an account here yet and posted everything on just my tumblr (@schrijverr) but now I'm uploading it here as well

Bruce was looking around to check if everything was good to go for the annual Wayne Christmas Party. There were tables with food, music set up, room to dance, decorations and the kids, his gaze shifted over to them and his shoulders sagged, well, at least they were dressed properly. He observed his kids for a while as he wondered what this night would bring.

Dick was doing acrobatics in time with a carol that was playing, Jason was rolling his eyes as he sat on the bottom of the stairs cleaning his guns and Damian was sitting next to him sharpening a few of his knifes, Cassandra had never looked so uncomfortable in a dress and heels and she looked ready to murder someone as she glared at the speaker, Tim was in the corner and he was, sadly, one of the more normal ones in this situation, his eyes were bloodshot and tired as he was tapping away on his phone, to a bystander it might have seemed that he was playing a phone game, but Bruce knew better and if he strained his eyes he thought he could see the logo of the Gotham Police Department.

He sighed deeply again and cleared his throat, which had no effect at all, so he cleared his throat again. This time they looked his way. He made a gesture to gather around which they did. “The party starts in 45 minutes,” he began, “we need to fit in and strengthen our position as a clueless party family, a normal clueless family.” He looked them all in the eye.

Jason groaned and said: “Why can’t I just go on patrol with Duke and Stephanie?”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at him and said: “You know why. As the recently revived Wayne son, who was assumed dead, people expect you to make an appearance, so you will.”

Jason groaned again, but dropped it. He didn’t want to ruin the Christmas party by arguing. Bruce turned to the other and asked: “Any more questions?”

Cassandras hand shot up and she said: “Can I leave?”

Bruce smile sympathetically at her and said: “I’m sorry, but no. Barbara will be here any minute, I hope that helps.” she nodded, but her shoulders sagged. “Yeah, Dick, what do you want to know?”

“Who is your favourite?” the oldest boy smiled.

Bruce felt himself age ten years as 5 pairs of curious eyes blinked questioningly. As he facepalmed, he sighed: “Dick, how many times do I have to tell you to stop asking that? I don’t have a favourite.”

Dick pouted, but was distracted by Barbara who decided to save Bruce by showing up.

~

The party was in full swing and Bruce had slapped on his party persona. He had danced with a few beautiful ladies, whom he had forgotten the name of already, he had thanked Commissioner Gorden for his services and charmed a few investors. He was smiling at people when he decided that it was probably a good time to check on the haggle of children who were supposed to behave, sort of.

The first ones were easy to spot, he heard some screaming and followed it. He rounded the corner and spotted Damian hanging upside-down on the stairs railing while holding Tims phone, Tim was on the ground beneath him screaming at him to give his phone back. Bruce could see he was frustrated that he couldn’t just grab it back, because he was supposed to be the non-athletic one.

Bruce got closer to help Tim out, as he got closer he heard what Tim was yelling: “I swear to God, demon child give me back my phone or I will personally murder you! And it will be slow and painful! I’m going to pull all your nails out one by one and shove them down your throat and watch as you choke on them!”

Damian just laughed as the people surrounding Tim looked disturbed and moved as far away from him as possible. Tim didn’t notice as he continued to yell threats at his younger brother that got more violent as time passed. When Bruce finally arrived he yelled at Damian: “Damian! Give Tim his phone back and come from that railing, you know you’re not allowed to be up there, it’s dangerous.”

He could feel Damians eyeroll, but he listened nonetheless. As he was walking down he turned to Tim and chided: “Turn the violence down a notch will you?”

Tim blushed and looked kind of sheepishly, but that melted away when his phone was pushed back into his hands and he became absorbed into their most recent case again. Bruce smiled softly at the boy as he quickly grabbed Damians scruff.

Damian frowned and pouted as he ignored his fathers glare. Bruce told the side of his face: “I told you to try to behave like other kids, other kids don’t swing from the stair case as they laugh at violent threats.”

Damian huffed: “Like you know what kids do.”

Bruce felt for the kid and he got on one knee beside him and said: “You’re right, I don’t know what normal kid behavior is, but can you not do things that give people a heart attack today?”

It was quiet for a second then he said: “Sure, but you should tell Dick and Jason that too.”

They heard a loud crash and Bruces head shot in the direction. He started cursing and let Damian go, who was smiling evilly as he stalked away to find some new entertainment.

Bruce was wading through the crowd as he tried to get to his oldest sons before they accidentally killed themselves. He finally made it through the cheering crowd. When he got to the front his heart nearly stopped, there in the middle of the room was an intoxicated Dick doing a handstand on a pile of furniture that was being built higher and higher by a cackling Jason. His eyes searched for Barbara, who normally stopped this before it got so bad, but found her at the side cheering along.

He made his way to her and asked: “What they hell, Barbara! Why are you cheering we have to stop them.”

She looked at the confused her eyes unfocused, also drunk, Bruce concluded. She asked: “Why? They’ve done more dangerous shit.”

Exasperated Bruce said: “I know that, but this is a party. People, Barbara, people.”

Something clicked, but she couldn’t really place it. Bruce gave her a bitchface as he threw a glass of water in her face. She sobered up a bit and when she was blinking like a confused owl he pointed at her brothers and said: “Help fix this.”

She saw what they were doing and immediately sprung into action. She ran to Jason to stop him in his quest to higher the pile for Dick to climb on his hands. While she handled Jason, Bruce was on his way to stop Dick. He easily climbed the, already ten ft, pile. He came face to face with Dick who waved at him while balancing on one hand on a chair top. Bruce took a deep breath as he ignored his hair that he could feel graying more and more every second this dragged on. Dick slurred: “Heya, B. How's it going.”

Bruce just grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder and carefully climbed back of the pile. The crowd was booing, but Bruce ignored them. He met up with Barbara who had freed a coffee table from Jasons grasp. They looked at each other and nodded, then they both dropped their drunk vigilanty in the snow and watched them freeze. The crowd cheered for that.

As both boys sobered up Bruce asked Barbara: “Where is Cassandra?”

Barbaras eyes went wide as she checked all around her. Cassandra wasn’t in sight. Bruce rubbed his temples and said: “Babysit those for a sec will you. I’ll go see if I can find her.”

Barbara nodded as she turned back to the boys in the snow, hand on her hip and eyes angry.

Bruce looked and looked but he couldn’t find Cassandra. He dropped down on a couch while groaning and promptly found Cassandra. She was chilling on a support beam with some snacks, watching the spectacle from above. He smiled and send her a text.

_\- You good up there?_

He saw her nod and then type

_~ I hate people, can I stay here?_

_\- Sure_

_\- but leave if you are spotted_

She send him a thumbs up and put a snack in her mouth as she went back to watching. Bruce texted Barbara where Cassandra was, he got a picture of the boys back. They both had hot coco in their hands and were warming up by the fire, their noses were still red from the cold and she had edited antlers on their heads. Bruce smiled, but rolled his eyes at the satisfied smiles they both wore.

~

The next day Bruce was regretting his life choices as he was skimming the newspaper headlines. One read: **Does money make people crazy? Look at the Wayne and that is proven!**

The article was a report from the night before, with pictures. There was one of Damian on the stairs with an angry Tim, one of Dick and Jason with their pile and one of them in the snow, and one of him carrying Dick down the pile, there was also one of him throwing a drink in Barbaras face, and one of Barbara with both Jason and Dick under her arms while she carried them to the kitchen.

Bruce wondered if they would ever learn how to act, but he doubted that. He looked over his hall where Tim had crashed a while back next to the passed out Jason and Dick, who were snuggling, and a sleeping Barbara on the couch. Damian and Cassandra were eating breakfast on the ground next to them a beat and tired Duke and Stephanie, and the Christmas tree was in the background. Bruce didn’t notice Alfred snapping a picture of him smiling softly with everyone in the background. Their little imperfect perfect family.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone!! <3


End file.
